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How to Make Pizza Dough (and Be a Good Catholic)

Early in our marriage, my wife, thinking that she could bond with her mother-in-law through food, asked her how she made her pizza dough. My mom thought for a few minutes and began: “First you take a bowl and fill it with water.” “How much water, Mom?”  My mom opened a kitchen cabinet and reaching under, grabbed a bowl. “This much” she said. “Then you take some yeast.” “How much yeast?” implored my wife.  So my mom folded her fingers underneath her thumb, except for her pinky. “About this much” she said, shaking her pinky, “and you let it sit.” “How long?” my wife once again interrupted. “About five minutes,” she continued. “Then you take some flour.” “How much flour, Mom?” my wife asked in utter frustration. “Five pounds.” “FIVE POUNDS!!?” “Well, you got the oven on,” my mom answered calmly. “Then you mix it up until it’s soft as a new baby, and you let it sit.” “How long?” my wife asked, dejected now. “Well, you go to Mass, and by the time you come home, it’s done.” And this is how my mom gave my wife a lesson on cooking and being a good Catholic.